His Demons
by TMNT-Queen
Summary: They know he has a dark side - any sane person would after going through everything he went through. They don't see that side of him very often, but when they do, it can get ugly. (Or, the times Leonardo revealed his inner demons.)
1. 1 - Lies

**Lies**

The leader found himself in the lab, staring at his comatose twin, completely unaware of how he even got there - the last thing he remembered was falling into bed so, so late after that disastrous patrol. His head spun and he sat down heavily on the other cot, dragging a hand over his face.

"Why won't you wake up?" he begged the still form across from him. Even the whispered words were too loud in the silence of the lab. "Please, Raph. We need you. _I_ need you. I can't...I can't do this without you here. Without your strength...I don't know if I can make it."

There was no response, save for the hiss of oxygen and the steady beeping of the heart monitor. Tears stung at Leo's cobalt eyes and he dashed at them with the back of his hand.

"Leo?"

Donnie's voice was soft, hesitant, and the eldest knew he'd heard every word. "Hey, Don. It's...I'm okay."

"No you're not," the genius replied quietly, entering the room and sitting down next to his big brother. "I know you aren't, because I'm not either. Neither is Mikey."

"I just... _fuck_ , Don." The word made Donnie flinch - Leo rarely swore, and for it to be such a vulgar word...he had to be in a pretty bad place. "What if he's not the same when he wakes up? What if he doesn't wake up at all? I don't...I can't-"

And then arms were around his shoulders and his face was buried in Don's neck and a loud, ugly sob was escaping his throat and _when did it get this **bad,**_ he wanted to ask. He wanted to _scream._ It wasn't fair, dammit. They all worked so _hard_ to keep the city safe, keep the world safe, and apparently the universe thought it was hilarious to keep beating them down again and again and again.

Eventually, his shoulders stopped shaking and he sat up, wiping his cheeks. "Sorry," he rasped. "You shouldn't have had to-"

"Leo, stop. You're allowed to feel things"

"But Splinter said-"

And there it was. _Splinter said._ Donnie wished, not for the first time, that his brother had never undergone their father's precious training. Years of lessons and demands and thinly veiled threats - oh, yes, he was well aware of the blackmail that the rat had used on Leo - had twisted the leader's mind so much that he considered himself little more than a bodyguard for the others. Oftentimes, he saw himself as a protector and nothing else. Expendable.

Don couldn't help but be angry about that. Didn't he know how much he meant to them? Didn't he know that they'd be absolutely lost without him there? Their father had been dead for nearly three and a half years now, yet his teachings were ingrained far too deep to be easily rid of.

"I don't fucking _care_ what Splinter said," the purple-banded ninja snapped, surprising both of them with the amount of ire in his voice. "You're allowed to break down and cry! Nobody can be fine a hundred percent of the time, Leonardo! I mean, I know that _he_ taught you that you had to, but you don't! It's bullshit, and I hate that you had to go through that, I really do. But you need to learn that it's okay to not be okay." His plastron was heaving, chestnut brown eyes glazed with pain and anger. So much anger.

Raphael-level anger.

The room fell silent for a long time; Leo stared at his feet, unsure what to say. Donnie was too focused on bringing his temper down to make an effort to speak. Eventually, both mutants sighed. "I'm sorry," Don said quietly. "It was wrong of me to snap at you like that."

"No...you're right about it. I know you are. I just don't know how to stop, D. After all this time, I can't just turn it off like that. I wish I could but I can't."

"I know." And he also knew that nothing he ever said would really be able to change that. Only time would tell.

Leo gave him a small, tight, fake smile and whispered that it would be okay. Donnie responded with a fake smile of his own, and wished that he could believe it.

 **A/N: Another depressing Leo story, I know. It's been a rough day.**

 **Please** **review.**


	2. 2 - Threatened

**2 - Threatened**

* * *

 _Summary: In which an enemy gets far too close for Leo's liking._

* * *

It should have been a normal night, a normal patrol. But what started as a normal patrol quickly went south.

"Raph! On your eight!"

"Got it, bro!"

"Donnie, watch your back!"

"Thanks, Leo!"

The blue-banded leader kicked away another Foot soldier and took a moment to breathe. His cobalt eyes spun wildly in the dimming light. Mikey. Where was Mikey?

There. A flash of orange, barely visible amongst the fray. But he was still holding his own. And then.

The Elite appeared directly behind the youngest turtle and brought his weapon down in a horrifyingly deadly arc that was far too fast to deflect. Leo's world froze and he flicked his wrist before he even realized what he was doing. His katana sailed through the air and landed sharp and true against the Elite's arm, severing it instantly. The man cried out as the remaining stump gushed red, spattering Mikey and alerting him to the immediate danger.

A short sigh of relief escaped Leo's mouth. His brother was safe. Well, at least for now. But the sword-wielding ninja's quick move had come at a price. A fist - or possibly a foot - slammed into the back of his head and sent him, reeling, to the ground.

His vision doubled and turned grey at the edges as he hit his knees. When he came to, there was a metallic taste in his mouth and...oh, he had bitten his tongue somehow. What was with the ringing in his ears? "Damn phone," he slurred. "Need ta turn't off."

In the distance someone was yelling his name. He blinked to try and clear the blurriness in his eyes - through which he could just make out the ring that was forming around him. That didn't bother him so much.

No, what bothered him was that the Foot were going after Mikey again. Somehow one of the men had trapped the freckled turtle's arms behind his back and sent him to his knees. A larger crowd was steadily advancing on the helpless youngest.

Numbly, Leo tried reaching out towards him. But the movement was too much for his battered body; his stomach lurched and he squeezed his eyes shut. He almost blacked out again.

And then pure _agony_ tore through every one of his senses. The scream of fear echoed in his ears, the stench of that fear burned his nostrils. He later would've sworn the very ground trembled with the weight of it.

 _mikey hurt pain stop-_

In a single instant, all weakness and nausea was forgotten. Leo was across the roof faster than anyone could blink, ripping through the enemy like they were made of paper. Blood sprayed like a fountain; screams of the wounded and dying filled the air. In the center of the fray was Mikey, his baby brother. And if they so much as _touched_ a scale on his head, there was no force in the world that could've stopped Hamato Leonardo from wreaking absolute havoc on everything and everyone who dared come close.

One minute and thirty-seven seconds later, it was over.

The rooftop was strangely silent, almost like after a snowfall. Not even a knife could've cut through the soundlessness. It took Leo a third minute to register that there were no more enemies to kill, and a fourth to see that the target of his protective rage was safe and sound - barring the cut across his freckled cheek that had caused him to scream in the first place.

A low moan came from near Leo's feet and he glanced down to see the Elite from earlier. Cobalt eyes narrowed into slits as pupils dilated. Leo hauled the guy up by the front of his shirt and slammed him into the brick wall nearby.

"Don't you _ever,_ " he said in a frighteningly calm and controlled voice, " _ **Ever** _lay a finger on my little brothers again. If you do, you will wish that you are dead, because even an eternity in Hell will be better than what I will do to you. Are we clear?"

The Elite stared at him. Stared into those ice cold, rage-filled blue eyes. And then, despite how out of it he still was from the pain in his arm, he decided that it would be a very wise choice if he agreed.

Leo's lip curled in a snarl and he threw the maimed man to the ground, turning back to pick his brother up. "Are you okay?" he asked, voice and expression instantly changing to concern.

"Y-Yeah," Mikey whispered, in complete and utter shock at everything that had just transpired. "Yeah, I'm good."

Across the rooftop, Donnie and Raph stood up and started walking towards them. Their eldest brother raked an appraising eye over both of them before glancing at Mikey again. "Good. Let's go home."

* * *

It was well past two in the morning when his bedroom door creaked open and a familiar face peeked in. Leo sat up, rubbing the sleep from his maskless eyes. "Mikey? What's wrong?"

"I couldn't sleep," the youngest replied quietly. "Can I...?"

In answer to the unspoken question, Leo raised the corner of his bedsheets and allowed his brother to climb in next to him. Mikey immediately snuggled up against him and pressed his cheek to Leo's plastron.

Leo had almost drifted off when Mike spoke again. "...you killed them all earlier, because of me."

"Because they hurt you."

"Yeah, but...I've never seen you act like that before. You were so out of it, dude. I was calling your name and it was like you didn't even _hear_ me. And then you stopped moving. I keep...I keep seeing your face. The blankness of your eyes. You weren't _you,_ Leo. You were someone...some _thing_ else."

Something not human, he meant. Then again, they weren't truly human to begin with. "It was them or you, Mikey. And it sure as hell wasn't going to be you. Not if I had a say in it."

In truth, he still didn't know exactly what had happened. One minute he was on the ground, trying not to throw up. And the next, he was covered in the blood of strangers.

"You will always come first. Always. You three are the one thing I really have in this life. And I'm not going to give you up, ever. The Foot and the Kraang can have you over my dead body."

 _The one thing I really have._ Mikey turned that over in his mind for a long time. When he finally worked up the courage to ask about it, he found that his big brother was already fast asleep. A sad smile settled onto his face.

"Thanks, Leo. For everything."

 **A/N: Crappy ending. I hope that the chapter came across as emotionally charged as I wanted it to be. I wanted to show how dangerous Leo could be if you messed with his Clan...hope it translated well enough.**

 **Please review?**


	3. 3 - noise and silence

**noise and silence**

Pain.

Darkness.

Screaming.

Death.

 _It never stops._

The crying out of loud voices and the blood on his blades, staining his honor.

 _Why won't it stop?_

All he wanted was to lead them. All he wanted was to protect them.

 _Fail. Failed them. Failure._

Tattered orange and purple and red. Red like the metallic liquid on his plastron.

 _Gone. All gone._

There is nothing left. Never anything left.

 _Please, forgive me. Please._

No answer.

Silence, screaming in his ears.

Pain, torturing him, filling his mind.

Darkness, blinding him.

Death, hanging in the air like something long-gone. A memory.

 _I'm sorry._

Cobalt closes for the last time.

The screaming intensifies.

Voices choked with panic.

Hands on his face, his neck, his arms, trying to stem the crimson tide.

Then nothing.

 **A/N: no idea where the heck that came from...just wanted to get something dark out, I guess. maybe.**

 **i'll leave it up to you as to what happened.**


End file.
